Client basically told me he's dying and I really didn't know how to respond. How would you?

[thecomputerguy]

I have an elderly client in his mid 80's who is very much still all there mentally and physically. If you looked at him you would guess that he was in his mid 60's. He's old school, worked as an FBI agent for various presidents over the years.

He always chats about my wife & kids, and over the years has given me several expensive bottles of wine out of his collection for me and my wife to enjoy. A couple years ago he started offloading some of his 'collectibles' but not for financial purposes. Bluntly I think he was just getting rid of stuff so it would be easier on his kids when he died even though, as far as I know, his health was fine (for being 80+).

Last year his wife died. He came home from running errands and she was dead in her office. One of his first calls was to me to see if I could get into her phone. It sounded like she had only been wheeled out minutes ago. I actually became emotional because I had known both of them for so long and they are both just really good hard working people. He was fine, I guess those things are not as shocking when you get to that age. I asked him is there was anything I could do computer wise or otherwise. If he needed someone physically there with him, or he needed food and I would do anything I could (it was all I could come up with).

Earlier this year he asked me to replace his old computer that I sold him and installed 6 years ago. In the back of my head I thought it was odd because all he really knows how to do is email and if I was in my 80's I probably wouldn't care to replace it since he knows I would sell him something that would last 5-7 years again. Regardless I replaced it for him. I almost felt like he was gifting me a final Job for him.

Since then he's had a couple minor issues with the new computer and his cell phone that I have been able to solve remotely. He called me yesterday for another minor issue I was able to resolve remotely (most of these I don't bill him for unless I have to drive out to him). After the call he asked about the kids and said he was going through some health stuff and wanted to express great gratitude in all that I have done for him and his deceased wife over the years. How he believes in hard I work for my family and how I'm doing things right by them and how I'm such a great Businessman, Father, and Husband.

He's said stuff like this in the past but never really laid it out like this for me. I really didn't know what to say aside from keeping it as professional as possible and just saying things like... of course, anytime you need me I'll be here and let me know if anything comes up computer wise or not I'll always set aside time for you just let me know.

Laying in bed later that night I was just re-thinking the conversation and how I was just taken off guard and how I really felt like we have a great relationship (mostly professional) and how I felt that I was just at a loss for words and came across as just one of his service guys that sold him stuff over the years, just cold.

Anyways, he maybe, probably, hopefully, didn't over think it as much as I did but I'm not good with words emotionally and just felt off about it later.

 

[seashore]

I really didn't know what to say aside from keeping it as professional as possible and just saying things like... of course, anytime you need me I'll be here and let me know if anything comes up computer wise or not I'll always set aside time for you just let me know.

Sounds like you covered it just fine with that offer. He couldn't ask for more than you being available to help whenever needed.

 

[Larry Sabo]

It's an awkward conversation, to be sure. I've had it with one of my customers who also knew he was about to pass (and did so a day or so later), telling me he "kinda liked me" and appreciated my service. I thanked him for his years of patronage and on-going friendship but also felt awkward and at a loss for words. I think you did fine.

 

[britechguy]

There's really nothing one can say "that fits" imminent death. Just like there's nothing one can say "that assuages fresh, full grief."

For the latter, there are accepted societal norms meant to keep a complete communication stop, and perceived coldness and uncaringness, from occurring. For the former, the closest I can think of to something similar is along the lines of, "I'm sorry you're having to face this."

What you did seems fine to me. The territory is pretty uncharted to begin with, even for those very close to us, and it gets "even weirder" when it involves someone with whom we have a longstanding relationship, but not one that would be considered "close" in the conventional sense.

 

[Markverhyden]

That's one of the most awkward types of conversations to have. If it was me I'd make a point of just being around. Maybe invite him out with the family to try some new restaurant or cuisine or a barbi in the back yard.

Be cognizant it's about his wishes. The older we get the more we are conscious about the shrinking amount of time we have. And how much less freedom we'll have as we age. And that's what makes us want to get to the finish, pun intended, line all that quicker.

 

[DRPCNZ]

Had one a couple of years ago Wife rang me to say he was dying and wanted to see me. I wandered over that day, he thanks me for all the work I had done for him over the years, and our conversations about every topic under the sun. He then tells me to copy the data requried from his computer and hang on to it for his wife for when she needed it as his bloody kids didn't need to see it or know about it, then put a NEWW drive into the computer and destroy the old one. He told me how much he was going to pay me to do this. I pointed out that it was WELL ABOVE what the job was worth. He replied, I don't care the money will be in your account tonight. I duely did the job went back into see him had a bit of a yak and said to him Well I guess this is the last time that I will see you. He replied yes, just be on standby if the wife needs you. Two days later she rang to let me know he had died

 

[Sky-Knight]

I've had this happen to me more than a few times, it's even creepier when someone is gone driving home from your office... If something ever gets one over being the last living person to see someone alive, I sure haven't found it.

Then Covid happened, directly killed 1/3 of my customers, another 1/3 forced into retirement, ultimately that's why I shut down. I've had these life ending conversations far too many times, I've been to more funerals than I care to even try to remember.

All you can do, is simply be there. No matter how hard it is, simply being available to make a human connection at the end is the best you can do.

 

[Rosco]

I have had this happen to me. I once was on site when a client got the news that there was nothing else they could do and had a month or two left. That was a tough one. As I was working, I could hear him sobbing on the phone, and his wife wouldn't pick up his calls. I did my work and consoled him as best I could. He was a great client, and I miss him.

 

[Sky-Knight]

I have had this happen to me. I once was on site when a client got the news that there was nothing else they could do and had a month or two left. That was a tough one. As I was working, I could hear him sobbing on the phone, and his wife wouldn't pick up his calls. I did my work and consoled him as best I could. He was a great client, and I miss him.

Oh... that's rough.

And his wife not being available at that specific moment. That make it so much worse.

 

[Mike McCall]

I have had a few clients pass on and have been surprised by how much they have thought of me. One was a neighbor who was a Vietnam Vet and decidedly not healthy. He'd come over and we'd sit on the porch and talk about all sorts of things. He reached out to me when he got his meds messed up and had become delusional as a result. He believed he had heard the TV newscaster blame him by name for Covid and that everyone blamed him. He was in bad shape. I'm not family so what I can do is limited. I called the local police explaining the situation and asked them to do a welfare check. I did that twice. Apparently, their hands were tied as he seemed generally coherent and didn't appear to be a danger to himself or anyone else. He understood why I had called them and seemed to appreciate why I did. I was finally able to convince him to let me call his stepson in Nevada and inform him of what was happening. Not the easiest call I've ever made. He came up and got him the help he needed including having a nephew move in and help him out.

Things were fine for a while until a few months ago when he passed. The nephew invited me to the memorial service to be held at a National Cemetary which I attended. In speaking with the stepson after the service I was surprised to learn how often and highly the client spoke of me to his family. I wasn't prepared for that. Later, I received a card from the stepson thanking me for attending the service.

For me, it's not all about the money. To be in a position where I can genuinely be a help to people in ways that matter to them is priceless.