Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Humor Section!
- Thread starter TechLady
- Start date
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
GTP
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 9,671
- Location
- Adelaide, Australia
CALLER:
Is this Domingo's Pizza?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Domingo’s Pizza last month.
CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want ...
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
How the hell do you know that?
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a single box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Chemist Warehouse, 4 months ago.
CALLER:
I bought more from another chemist.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no mobile phone service so no one can watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
Is this Domingo's Pizza?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Domingo’s Pizza last month.
CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want ...
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
How the hell do you know that?
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a single box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Chemist Warehouse, 4 months ago.
CALLER:
I bought more from another chemist.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no mobile phone service so no one can watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 13,745
- Location
- San Antonio Tx
- Reaction score
- 3,411
- Location
- Manchester UK
A German guy called Helmut approaches a lady of the night in London .
"I vish to buy sex viz you."
"Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour."
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10."
Helmut agrees
So off they go the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees."
The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested.
"Now you vill get down on your hans und knees."
This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs.
"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."
She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying).
But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?"
"Zat," replies the German, "is the Four-sprung Duck Technique."
"I vish to buy sex viz you."
"Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour."
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10."
Helmut agrees
So off they go the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees."
The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested.
"Now you vill get down on your hans und knees."
This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs.
"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."
She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying).
But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?"
"Zat," replies the German, "is the Four-sprung Duck Technique."
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