Humor Section!

[britechguy]

Actually, I'd say it was the idiot car alarm designer's fault!

I really am so very thankful that these have, by and large, matured in such a way that butterfly landings don't set them off. I lived through the period where someone else's car alarm going off nearby could trigger another. And I was living in metro Washington, DC, at the time, where high status cars with these things in them were dirt common.

 

[GTP]

Actually, I'd say it was the idiot car alarm designer's fault!

I really am so very thankful that these have, by and large, matured in such a way that butterfly landings don't set them off. I lived through the period where someone else's car alarm going off nearby could trigger another. And I was living in metro Washington, DC, at the time, where high status cars with these things in them were dirt common.

My neighbors car alarm would go off on windy days/nights. Just the rocking of the car would set it off.

 

[NETWizz]

I once had a 2002 Hyundai Accent, and it was both my first car and the worst car I ever owned. It had an alarm that went off all the time until I simply quit arming it. That vehicle also had transmission problems ever 15,000 miles like clockwork, burned through brake pads every 15,000 miles, had tremendous brake fade after the first brake job (presumably something wrong with the rear drum brakes) where it felt like the car took extended distance to stop despite pressing HARD it would almost slip surely not having enough to lock up the wheels, and once a year the AC needed to be recharged.

My guess is it became not socially acceptable to have car alarms go off, but all cars after were nice and quiet.

 

[Porthos]

 

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[frase]

 

[GTP]

 

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[Porthos]

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:



1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort.
Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom suite, and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

 

[Porthos]

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single:


One day a friend asked. "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied. "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them,"

His friend thinks for a moment and says. "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother!"


A few months later they meet again and his friend says. "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers. "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said. "Then what's the problem?"


Fred replied. "My father doesn't like her!"

 

[britechguy]

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

It seems as though the rank stupidity of their customer base may have played a major role in the implosion of Thomas Cook Vacations (or I believe this was the company that left lots of Britons stranded all over the world a couple of years ago when they just shut down with zero warning).

 

[frase]

 

[GTP]

At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said,
"Irving, I need a favour - I'm sleeping with the rabbi's wife.

Can you hold him in temple for an hour after services for me?"

Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied.
After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked,
"Irving what are you really up to with all this?"

Irving , filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi
"I'm sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."

The rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving 's shoulder, said
"Irving I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago."

 

[Porthos]

Bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.



One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.



“I’d like some raisin bread please,” the man says.

The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.

As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what’s going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.



After many trips, she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, “why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?”

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.



Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, “Is it raisin for you too?”



“No,” stammers the old man, “but it’s quivering a little..”

 

[Porthos]

Imagine being born in 1900.
When you are 14 years old
World War I begins
and ends when you are 18,
with 22 million dead.

Shortly after the world pandemic,
flu called ′′ Spanish ",
killing 50 million people.
You go out alive and free,
and you are 20 years old.

Then at the age of 29 you survive the global economic crisis that started with the collapse of the New York Stock Exchange causing inflation, unemployment and hunger.

Nazis come to power at 33.

You are 39 when world war 2. begins
and it ends when you are 45 during the Holocaust (Shoah), 6 million Jews die.

There will be a total of more than 60 million dead.

When your 52th Korean war begins.

When you are 64, the Vietnam war begins and ends when you are 75.

A baby born in 1985 believes his grandparents have no idea how hard life is,

A boy born in 2000 believes that the end of the world when his Amazon package takes more than three days to arrive or if he doesn't exceed 15 likes for his posted photo on Facebook or Instagram...

In 2020., many of us live in comfort, have access to various sources of entertainment at home and often have more than needed.

But people complain about everything.

They have electricity, phone, food, hot water and a roof over their heads.

None of this existed.

But humanity survived much more serious circumstances and never lost the joy of life.

Maybe it's time to be less selfish, stop whining and crying