Humor Section!

[coffee]

 

[TechLady]

 

[GTP]

View attachment 7500

I wouldn't try to run! This guy might be obese and slow but the bullets from his sidearm wouldn't be! Lol
He might be "quicker 'n Doc Holiday!" as well.

 

[Markverhyden]

Wonder if they're going to come looking for me since I did not call.

 

[GTP]

A biker talks to God
A man on his Harley was riding along a Victorian beach road when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice,
God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Tasmania so I can ride over anytime I want."

God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of Bass Strait and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind?"

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

 

[Moltuae]

I will grant you one wish.

Very common schoolboy error.

Rule #2 of wish granting: Always wish for more wishes.

 

[HCHTech]

There was a Dachshund once, so long
He hadn't any notion
The time it took to notify
His tail of an emotion
So as it happened, while his eyes
Were full of woe and sadness...
His little tail kept wagging on
Because of previous gladness!

 

[GTP]

There was a Dachshund once, so long
He hadn't any notion
The time it took to notify
His tail of an emotion
So as it happened, while his eyes
Were full of woe and sadness...
His little tail kept wagging on
Because of previous gladness!

 

[GTP]

The website to beat all websites! If you suffer from epileptic seizures do not enter!

 

[Dave R Mason]

 

[Dave R Mason]

Ewwwwweeee!!!!!!

 

[Dave R Mason]

Ya gotta watch those cats!
Remembers::::
... Cats don't have "owners" -
........ "They" have "Staff"

 

[GTP]

A drunk man who smelled strongly of liqueur sat down on a subway train next to a priest.
The man's cloth's were stained, his hair dishevelled, his face plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of whisky was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Hey Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest looked the man up and down and replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a cleanliness."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned", then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry." "I didn't mean to come on so strong." "How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father." "I was just reading here that the Pope does."

MORAL: Make sure you fully understand the question before offering the answer!

 

[GTP]

Carol and Charlie, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida.
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered overtime that they enjoyed each other’s company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Charlie asked Carol out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.
Despite their ages, they ended up at his place for an after-dinner drink.
Things continued along a natural course and with age being no inhibitor, Carol soon joined Charlie for a most enjoyable "roll in the hay."
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they’d shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....
Charlie was thinking: ‘If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'
Carol was thinking: ‘If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose.'

 

[Dave R Mason]

A drunk man who smelled strongly of liqueur sat down on a subway train next to a priest.
The man's cloth's were stained, his hair dishevelled, his face plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of whisky was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Hey Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest looked the man up and down and replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a cleanliness."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned", then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry." "I didn't mean to come on so strong." "How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father." "I was just reading here that the Pope does."

MORAL: Make sure you fully understand the question before offering the answer!

 

[Dave R Mason]

So true... so very true!!

 

[Dave R Mason]

 

[GTP]

So true... so very true!!

Hey @Dave R Mason did you know you can reply in the same field as the quoted reply?

 

[GTP]

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

 

[Dave R Mason]

Thanks for the reminder... I haven't gotten the hang of this reply system/format yet