Altster
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And then for all of you "baby-boomers" out there....
Humor Section!
- Thread starter TechLady
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Porthos
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Markverhyden
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Altster
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And for all of you "non-morning people..........."
http://grumpyfuckers.com/coffee-shop-opens-for-non-morning-people/
http://grumpyfuckers.com/coffee-shop-opens-for-non-morning-people/
Larry Sabo
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Is it right beside the one that says "Desktop?"
GTP
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This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister.
Dear Mr Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date ?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand ?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.
It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years.
It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead !!!
****! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?
I apologize, Mr Minister. But I'm really ****** off this morning.
Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bs!
You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!
What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a **** whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?
Nooooo…that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense.
You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?...you bloody morons.
Signed - ******* Kelly
An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL....Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!...a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government"..
You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!
Dear Mr Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date ?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand ?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.
It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years.
It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead !!!
****! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?
I apologize, Mr Minister. But I'm really ****** off this morning.
Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bs!
You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!
What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a **** whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?
Nooooo…that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense.
You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?...you bloody morons.
Signed - ******* Kelly
An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL....Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!...a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government"..
You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!
glricht
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NETWizz
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Edited for the United States folks...
This is allegedly a letter sent to the Department of Homeland Security
To whom it may concern:
I am wrighting you with regard to expressing my displeasure for the “process” of renewing my passport.
Before I begin, my rant, I want you to ask yourself, how is it that Walmart has my name, address, telephone number, and knows that I bought a television, set and golf clubs, and condoms from them back in 1997 and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
First let me tell you I already contacted your customer support call center to get some help with all this, but your employees don't have any answers for "anything". Each time I ask a question I am met with them putting me on hold having to ask someone else! Perhaps you should really just get rid of your first tier support! Hell, I bet the whole team put together probably couldn't tell me what the date is today!
For Christ sakes, what exactly do you guys do with all the information people provide?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years, and so is my Social Security number!
It is also on my driver's license, on the last eight passports I've had, and I provided it on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years. I have in fact been providing the Federal Government with my birthdate for longer than your Department of Homeland Bureaucracy has existed, and I used to get along just fine without you!
My information “up to and including the number of toilets I have” is also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 10 years since 1960!
Also... would somebody please take notice by now that my mother's name is Audrey, and my father's name is Jack? I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!
I mean, what is it you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?
I apologize if I sound frustrated, but I’m really ****** off about all this. Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bs! I mean ****, you sent the application to my house, yet you ask me for my damn address! What the hell is going on over there?
Oh, and another thing, look at my damn picture! I mean, do I look like Bin Laden to you? I don’t even grow a beard for God's sakes! I really just want to travel to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter.
Honestly, I apologize in advance for the tone of this question, but would you mind having someone please tell me, why you give a donkey’s **** whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?
Well, I have to go now because I have to travel all the way across the county to get another copy of my birth certificate and part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of passport renewals perhaps even on the same day? Probably Not - I guess that would be to easy and makes far too much sense.
You Bureaucrats are all the same and would much prefer us running all over God’s country like chickens with our heads cut off only to then be funneled to some pretentious Government lackey, who isn’t competent enough to run a Burger King shift, to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?... you bloody morons.
Sincerely,
Mr. Billy Smith
P.S. I have also served in the armed forces something over 30 years (I was deployed to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high-level security clearances! However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN, a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government".
This is allegedly a letter sent to the Department of Homeland Security
To whom it may concern:
I am wrighting you with regard to expressing my displeasure for the “process” of renewing my passport.
Before I begin, my rant, I want you to ask yourself, how is it that Walmart has my name, address, telephone number, and knows that I bought a television, set and golf clubs, and condoms from them back in 1997 and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
First let me tell you I already contacted your customer support call center to get some help with all this, but your employees don't have any answers for "anything". Each time I ask a question I am met with them putting me on hold having to ask someone else! Perhaps you should really just get rid of your first tier support! Hell, I bet the whole team put together probably couldn't tell me what the date is today!
For Christ sakes, what exactly do you guys do with all the information people provide?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years, and so is my Social Security number!
It is also on my driver's license, on the last eight passports I've had, and I provided it on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years. I have in fact been providing the Federal Government with my birthdate for longer than your Department of Homeland Bureaucracy has existed, and I used to get along just fine without you!
My information “up to and including the number of toilets I have” is also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 10 years since 1960!
Also... would somebody please take notice by now that my mother's name is Audrey, and my father's name is Jack? I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!
I mean, what is it you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?
I apologize if I sound frustrated, but I’m really ****** off about all this. Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bs! I mean ****, you sent the application to my house, yet you ask me for my damn address! What the hell is going on over there?
Oh, and another thing, look at my damn picture! I mean, do I look like Bin Laden to you? I don’t even grow a beard for God's sakes! I really just want to travel to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter.
Honestly, I apologize in advance for the tone of this question, but would you mind having someone please tell me, why you give a donkey’s **** whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?
Well, I have to go now because I have to travel all the way across the county to get another copy of my birth certificate and part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of passport renewals perhaps even on the same day? Probably Not - I guess that would be to easy and makes far too much sense.
You Bureaucrats are all the same and would much prefer us running all over God’s country like chickens with our heads cut off only to then be funneled to some pretentious Government lackey, who isn’t competent enough to run a Burger King shift, to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?... you bloody morons.
Sincerely,
Mr. Billy Smith
P.S. I have also served in the armed forces something over 30 years (I was deployed to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high-level security clearances! However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN, a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government".
Last edited:
frase
Well-Known Member
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When has KMart sold condoms? Must be a hidden adult section somewhere..
GTP
Well-Known Member
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- Location
- Adelaide, Australia
Yeah, I noticed that too. But he could have bought them from a chemist next to Kmart?
Or he could have been just applying a sarcastic overtone...
Is KMart a superstore? Most of the superstores in the UK sell condoms and they're not hidden away either. I think it's been that way ever since the 80s and the outbreak of AIDS. Better to promote safe sex than to hide them away for the sake of embarrassment.
GTP
Well-Known Member
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Kmart have superstores in the major cities, but in the smaller cities and towns they are large shopping places.
I cant ever remember seeing condoms for sale but the bigger Kmarts have areas for all sorts of health and lifestyle products so it is possible.
I cant ever remember seeing condoms for sale but the bigger Kmarts have areas for all sorts of health and lifestyle products so it is possible.
GTP
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- 9,452
- Location
- Adelaide, Australia
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