Humor Section!

[Kitten Kong]

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, when they struck
up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and
said "So, why are you here?"

The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the
sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night,
when I ****** in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black Lab said, "So what’s the vet going to do?"

"Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab.
"They reckon it'll calm me down."

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "So, why are you here?"

The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."

"So what are they going to do to you ?" the Yellow Lab enquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see."
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to
dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said,
"So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"

The Great Dane said, "No. Apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

 

[Porthos]

 

[Porthos]

 

[GTP]

 

[GTP]

 

[GTP]

 

[frase]

 

[Diggs]

Ummm - Ya. About that -

 

[Kitten Kong]

So we're into our 5th month of defeating COVID-19. These words made me laugh but there's a lot of truth mixed in to consider. . .
1. So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?

2. Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do.

3. When this virus thing is over with, I still want some of you to stay away from me.

4. If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet, particularly among politicians and bureaucrats.

5. Just wait a second – so what you're telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You’re kidding, right?

6. People are scared of getting fined or arrested for congregating in crowds, as if catching a deadly disease and dying a horrible death wasn’t enough of a deterrent.

7. If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal just because we reopen everything, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it.

8. Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the bins go out more than me.

9. Whoever decided an off licence is more essential than a hair salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic.

10. Remember when you were little and all your underwear had the days of the week on them. Those would be helpful right now.

11. The spread of Covid-19 is based on two factors: 1. How dense the population is and 2. How dense the population is.

12. Remember all those times when you wished the weekend would last forever? Well, wish granted. Happy now?

13. It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a whole vineyard to home school one.

14. Did a big load of p.j's so I would have enough clean work clothes for the week.

 

[Porthos]

 

[Porthos]

 

[Porthos]

 

[britechguy]

Thank heaven those emojis all appear to have their masks adjusted to cover their noses! I've been astounded at how many mask wearers I've seen who prop them below their noses, essentially rendering them useless as a protection for themselves, at a minimum. At least they'd catch aerosols that fly out of the mouth during a sneeze, but you still can have some ejected from the nose, too.

Those wearing them as "chin protectors," well, why bother?

 

[Markverhyden]

https://nypost.com/2020/05/25/artis...asks-outside-trader-joes-to-protest-lockdown/

 

[GTP]

 

[Porthos]

View attachment 11986

Why am I not surprised it is in a Walmart parking lot.

 

[GTP]

Dont worry, they are here too lol

 

[Porthos]

 

[Porthos]

 

[Porthos]