GTP
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Humor Section!
- Thread starter TechLady
- Start date
GTP
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- Adelaide, Australia
GTP
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 9,746
- Location
- Adelaide, Australia
GTP
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- 9,746
- Location
- Adelaide, Australia
glennd
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ahhh those were the days!
GTP
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It Snowed Last Night
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman as well.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..woman..person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The Muslim gent across the road demanded the snow woman wear a burka.
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from the BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs” and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be beheaded
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become – ridiculous!
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman as well.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..woman..person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The Muslim gent across the road demanded the snow woman wear a burka.
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from the BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs” and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be beheaded
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become – ridiculous!
Markverhyden
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I'm sure we've all seen much worse. Just enjoyed the exchange as thats literal what happened when I was talking to the NOC. Obviously I emailed him the pic after I said that. I was there to work on a no dial tone in a guest room. For once the phones were better organized and labeled than the data network.
britechguy
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Very funny, truly, but this part is utterly untrue, because the setup is, too (though hilarious).
We're not in any danger of becoming oversensitive, as a society, any time soon or such humor would be impossible. If anyone actually believed the setup there'd be nothing funny about it.
Porthos
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GTP
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GTP
Well-Known Member
- Reaction score
- 9,746
- Location
- Adelaide, Australia
GTP
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- Reaction score
- 9,746
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- Adelaide, Australia
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GTP
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GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
Porthos
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- Location
- San Antonio Tx
Porthos
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- San Antonio Tx
Probably not until stupidity goes out of fashion.
GTP
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- Reaction score
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Just stolen this...
In the future, when our kids are the parents...
‘Oh my god, these kids are doing my head in. Six weeks is so long.......’
Six weeks? SIX WEEKS?? Try six chuffing months! You parents today haven’t got a clue what we went through in 2020 !!
Six months of entertaining you little shits, and we couldn’t even go any-bloody-where .... All we had was Netflix and a colouring book. We had a heatwave, and couldn’t do any baking because every chuffer had stolen all the flour.
Couldn’t make macaroni necklaces, no chuffing pasta. Praying nobody gets sick as we had two toilet rolls to last us til we dared even get in a QUEUE to go to a shop, and ended up using kitchen roll. We had to stand on spots on the floor and risked being tackled to the ground if we dare walk up an aisle the wrong way in Tesco by JimBob in his visor, who was working there cos he’d lost his job in a pub, which we couldn’t go to for a night off cos they were all bloody closed !!
We only saw people on a Thursday when we stood and clapped for nurses on the street, whilst wondering what would happen to Sharon in the Vic in Eastenders but not knowing because.....the soap operas all run out! Yep kids that’s right, no soaps!! Imagine that !!
We had to download things called zoom and had to attempt to do meetings in our houses whilst you lot ran around telling everyone you were bored, or hot, or STILL hungry despite the fact we’d made you fourteen breakfasts.
We had this fit fella every morning attempting to get you fit on YouTube but that lasted all of two episodes before you put spongebob on. We had to attempt to teach you, yes you! I was expected to print out all these bloody sheets, running out of ink at midnight attempting to print out the monarchy timeline for you to give it four seconds of thought before saying you didn’t want to do it and that’s not how Mrs Jones does it. We had to give up our phones so you could FaceTime your mates, or download more games, if it gave us five seconds of time to tidy up the kitchen only to turn around and see the living room had now been turned into a ninja warrior assault course.
We dug out paddling pools, we got stung by wasps, we redecorated gardens and bedrooms, we hoovered-a lot, we forgot what a bed ‘time’ was, we gave in to technology far too much, we had no money and ordered **** off amazon in the hope it passed an hour for you, we then had a chuffing postal strike as every postman got covid ...... and we waved to other humans through windows on our one hour allowed out every day.
Cash?? .... Didn’t have any, and if we did you couldn’t bloody use it as no chuffer accepted it for fear of touching you. Swimming? Nope. Cinema? Nope. Bowling? Nope? McDonald’s? Nope. Playgrounds? Nope. Taped off like a crime scene.
None of that ..... 6 weeks?? Piece of piss mate !!
In the future, when our kids are the parents...
‘Oh my god, these kids are doing my head in. Six weeks is so long.......’
Six weeks? SIX WEEKS?? Try six chuffing months! You parents today haven’t got a clue what we went through in 2020 !!
Six months of entertaining you little shits, and we couldn’t even go any-bloody-where .... All we had was Netflix and a colouring book. We had a heatwave, and couldn’t do any baking because every chuffer had stolen all the flour.
Couldn’t make macaroni necklaces, no chuffing pasta. Praying nobody gets sick as we had two toilet rolls to last us til we dared even get in a QUEUE to go to a shop, and ended up using kitchen roll. We had to stand on spots on the floor and risked being tackled to the ground if we dare walk up an aisle the wrong way in Tesco by JimBob in his visor, who was working there cos he’d lost his job in a pub, which we couldn’t go to for a night off cos they were all bloody closed !!
We only saw people on a Thursday when we stood and clapped for nurses on the street, whilst wondering what would happen to Sharon in the Vic in Eastenders but not knowing because.....the soap operas all run out! Yep kids that’s right, no soaps!! Imagine that !!
We had to download things called zoom and had to attempt to do meetings in our houses whilst you lot ran around telling everyone you were bored, or hot, or STILL hungry despite the fact we’d made you fourteen breakfasts.
We had this fit fella every morning attempting to get you fit on YouTube but that lasted all of two episodes before you put spongebob on. We had to attempt to teach you, yes you! I was expected to print out all these bloody sheets, running out of ink at midnight attempting to print out the monarchy timeline for you to give it four seconds of thought before saying you didn’t want to do it and that’s not how Mrs Jones does it. We had to give up our phones so you could FaceTime your mates, or download more games, if it gave us five seconds of time to tidy up the kitchen only to turn around and see the living room had now been turned into a ninja warrior assault course.
We dug out paddling pools, we got stung by wasps, we redecorated gardens and bedrooms, we hoovered-a lot, we forgot what a bed ‘time’ was, we gave in to technology far too much, we had no money and ordered **** off amazon in the hope it passed an hour for you, we then had a chuffing postal strike as every postman got covid ...... and we waved to other humans through windows on our one hour allowed out every day.
Cash?? .... Didn’t have any, and if we did you couldn’t bloody use it as no chuffer accepted it for fear of touching you. Swimming? Nope. Cinema? Nope. Bowling? Nope? McDonald’s? Nope. Playgrounds? Nope. Taped off like a crime scene.
None of that ..... 6 weeks?? Piece of piss mate !!
Porthos
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