Humor Section!

[Moltuae]

Thumbtack strikes again.....

I wasn't aware that god had switched professions.






So that's the reason there's a pandemic!

 

[britechguy]

I do not remember any prohibition on politically-related humor here, but if I missed it I ask @Kraken to delete this message as promptly as possible. I was almost rolling on the floor laughing, and the video tweaking needed to pull this off is impressive.

Trigger Warning: If you are a Trump supporter, what follows is likely to make you furious, but, you may appreciate the technical brilliance that went in to the bits of CGI-ing needed for the altered vocals. If you find any humor based on President Trump's loss of the election to be offensive, you have been warned, and you have to play it in order to know why.

 

[GTP]

 

[GTP]

 

[frase]

This was my actual response of FB to a user :-

 

[Kitten Kong]

10..Points to Ponder as 2020 draws to a close ...

1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

3. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

4. This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came back to my house& told my dogs.... We had a good laugh.

5. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

6. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

7. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

8. I need to practice social-distancing ....from the refrigerator.

9. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip out to the bins!

10. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go into a bank with a mask on and ask for money.

 

[Fred Claus]

I do not remember any prohibition on politically-related humor here, but if I missed it I ask @Kraken to delete this message as promptly as possible. I was almost rolling on the floor laughing, and the video tweaking needed to pull this off is impressive.

Trigger Warning: If you are a Trump supporter, what follows is likely to make you furious, but, you may appreciate the technical brilliance that went in to the bits of CGI-ing needed for the altered vocals. If you find any humor based on President Trump's loss of the election to be offensive, you have been warned, and you have to play it in order to know why.

Prohibition or not this is funny. I loved it.

 

[Kitten Kong]

NOTICE OF MY INTENTION TO LEAVE Technibble.

It may or may not be disappointing to some people to know that I have decided to leave this page, I am sick and tired of the constant criticisms and remarks about things that have nothing to do with anyone else but me. I am disappointed in several members....


Okay... So I like dressing-up in rubber clothes. So what? And, my culinary tastes might seem strange to some people... but I have particular liking for cucumbers. Which brings me to the matter of my sexual preferences, which I know might seem strange to some people, but group sex with dwarfs, adult little people, and pygmies is only a ‘small’ perversion compared to the other matter... And the magistrate was particularly understanding when I explained that running naked through our local park wearing crotchless fluffy underwear on my head and brandishing a dildo in each hand is an ancient pagan custom and...
Oh crap ! Wrong group!
Please ignore all of the above.
Happy New Year

 

[HCHTech]

 

[frase]

 

[VISA MC]

 

[GTP]

The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.

Little Johnny at the back of the class put his hand up and asks the teacher, are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you're getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag at the beach!!!

 

[GTP]

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is
marked 'NO REFILLS'.."

 

[GTP]

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their shopping trolly's around BigW when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, slim, with blonde hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, "Who cares, --- let's look for yours!"

 

[Porthos]

 

[Porthos]

 

[Kitten Kong]

Borrowed ahem nicked off a friends wall.

If you own a dog you will love this. If you don't own a dog then you should also find this funny!!

Dear Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Sincerely,
Your Overwhelmed Owner

 

[GTP]

Borrowed ahem nicked off a friends wall.

If you own a dog you will love this. If you don't own a dog then you should also find this funny!!

Dear Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Sincerely,
Your Overwhelmed Owner

And also....
Although you think its your God Given Right to alert the neighbourhood everytime there's a knock on the door or when I accidentally bump the wall, or everytime the the neighbour walks out to water his garden, every car that drives down our street, every shadow that you see (or think you see) move when the wind moves the trees, or indeed, every leaf that blows past in the wind - it's not necessary.
And yes, I hear you (and smell you) every time you backfire with the effort you put into making your bark as loud as possible.
Sincerely &c....

 

[Markverhyden]

Delivery to a grocery store. They must have a wannabe comedian in the front end at this store. Second time I've seen that for a package signoff. LOL

 

[Markverhyden]

I was at a hotel yesterday replacing a router and had to pass through this to get to the back of house. Not quite sure what the "science" is about this installation.