Humor Section!
- Thread starter TechLady
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DRPCNZ
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GTP
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Altster
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- Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
if only.....
Altster
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- Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
OXYMORON'S...
1. Is it good if...... a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch.....Called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary....How would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary....Where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? ....What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" ....Mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" When we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands"....when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" ....when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviation Is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Any others that you can think of?
Side Note: Stands: In Britain the stands are where the spectators stand when they attend a match (they don't sit and they don't call 'em games there.)
1. Is it good if...... a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch.....Called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary....How would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary....Where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? ....What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" ....Mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" When we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands"....when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" ....when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviation Is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Any others that you can think of?
Side Note: Stands: In Britain the stands are where the spectators stand when they attend a match (they don't sit and they don't call 'em games there.)
glricht
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- Zephyrhills, Florida
With regards to Steven Wright and George Carlin ! 
Mercenary Roadie
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- 411
- Location
- Santa Paula, CA
Why do we have a hot water heater when hot water doesn't need heating?
Why do we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
Gallagher
Why do we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
Gallagher
LedHed
Active Member
- Reaction score
- 93
- Location
- Southwest Louisiana, USA
Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
If I can really "Have it My Way at Burger King" will they serve me a Big Mac?
If I can really "Have it My Way at Burger King" will they serve me a Big Mac?
Markverhyden
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- 10,837
- Location
- Raleigh, NC
Was driving to a call this afternoon and remembered this thread with what I saw on my iPhone.
Take a right turn when I am actually making a right turn....
Take a right turn when I am actually making a right turn....
Altster
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- Reaction score
- 1,394
- Location
- Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Or "hang a right" at next corner. So what am I supposed to do, find someone named "right" and hang them? Or just "stick my right arm out the window and hang it in a downward fashion?"
allanc
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- 385
- Location
- Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Which of these potential service providers attitudes should we take with our clients?
Altster
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- Location
- Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
#saynotospec
I try not to do work for free - AND this is the reason I'm not working at the last place I hung my hat~!
+ I didn't and still don't like his politics!
I try not to do work for free - AND this is the reason I'm not working at the last place I hung my hat~!
+ I didn't and still don't like his politics!
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allanc
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- Reaction score
- 385
- Location
- Toronto, Ontario, Canada
That is one of the reasons that I posted the video ... to give us techs some ideas of what to say to some of our clients.
Larry Sabo
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- 3,324
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- Ottawa, Canada
The guy from the diner is priceless.
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Altster
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- Location
- Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Back several years ago, I was alone at the office / warehouse / etc. and some dude came in and was giving me a hard time over some sort of sh$%t and I told him flat out to LEAVE, that I wasn't going to help him no matter what. You should have seen the look on his face when I refused to wait on him. Once he left, I locked the doors and went home. And this was in the middle of the day AND I had already told the boss that I wouldn't put up with this sh33t!
Justin Heath
Active Member
- Reaction score
- 46
- Location
- Columbus Georgia
surfing the web and see this stupid click bait
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